Thursday: While being on a three day meditation retreat “Who is in”, I wait in the self-service line to grab a ceramic bowl stored in the pile with other bowls to get a first meal. Bowls look pretty new, out of few dozen only couple of them have a little dent on the rim. It must be me: I receive a dented bowl!
Friday: I practice, meditate with changing partners and places, excavate what is in me physically, emotionally, discovering meanings of sensations. All my randomly received food bowls are dented! I think to swap, but then I realize, I can live with a dented bowl, despite I feel my intentions are smooth.
Saturday: I go even deeper, I am getting fatigue, my legs are sore, my back is in pain, my throat is in flame, muscles are tired. My outer thoughts are disappearing, I focus on more present moments, and towards the drinking break, onto the sleep in the wet tent and on the great food. Picking up newly washed and randomly stacked bowls, I ALWAYS receive a dented bowl. What a chance in the Universe is to multiply those fractionate probabilities! That must be a message!!! I am tired of Czech, I ask the Master whether I can express my inner thoughts in English. Master hesitates upon this unusual wish, but lets me do it on condition that my meditating partner knows well English, which I hardly know. Thus I remain in Czech.
Sunday morning: I sit alone on the mattress while others are sharing. No one came to communicate with me. Why I deserve this! They even place a mirror in front of me, instead of a human being. How cruel that can be! I am a good boy! I respond in sadness, humiliation and resignation, yet I practice with myself, it appears not to be so bad at all! After a while, Master’s apprentice instructs me to close my eyes. When I open them, the Master himself sits in front of me and this sharing is like a whole new universe I am entering. I feel blessed that my wish came true. I show in English what I learned to be a good disciple, probably only one of all being able to express the thoughts fluently in English. Later after, I wait in the line and foresee my bowl. Oh no, it is another one with a dent, am I still not cleansed enough that all bowls are turning to be dented in front of my eyes? There is a sudden call that I should move my drinking cup away, so I step out and miracle happens. Someone picks the dented bowl and the next one is dent free! Sign of change?
Sunday noon: I practice with Master’s apprentice. He gives me a hard time with his silence and sharp look. I am strongly sleep deprived, with major headache, I barely stand on my feet, my heart is beating an S.O.S. alarm, my hands are shaking, I am angry, disrespectful. The only thing, I can think of, is an END. Either of the retreat or of myself, I stand up through the Sufi breathing into chakras - unmoved, and I normally enjoy that part, sad, but I must survive. I go to get the last meal: There is a perfect and pristine bowl waiting for me.
Driving home from the retreat, shortly after leaving the place, I pick up a hitchhiker, mature elegant lady who did not fit onto the bus. It turns out that she is a dear friend of one of my dear friends and we have lots of common to share. Juicy green barley fields, yellow hued rape seed plantation, trees in bloom, hiking on volcanoes. I am even familiar with brilliant calendar pictures of her husband, being a photographer myself. I drive her to the spot she wishes to go, despite it is little off my journey.
Lesson: Never put too much of expectations into what you wish to come in your impatient projection, yet put your energy into your wish. As Coelho's Alchemist says: If you are longing for something - the whole Universe will unite to fulfill your wish.
Martin Šanda, Skalka u Doks: Kdo je uvnitř: 8-11.5.2014
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